


Mystery of Love

by Alics_not_alex



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Related, Hogwarts Era, M/M, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-04-05 02:27:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19039300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alics_not_alex/pseuds/Alics_not_alex
Summary: 3 nights from Remus' life:The night after ChristmasThe night after the PrankThe night after Sirius dies





	Mystery of Love

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍It was the night after Christmas and Remus was in his bed with Sirius Black curled at his side. _His_ Sirius Black. For the first time in years, Remus had willingly abandoned sleep because he was far too happy to waste any cherishable moment in useless slumber, in hopes of making it last as long as possible. The first time was when he had gotten his Hogwarts letter. He had kept it  clutched over his chest, eyes shining with all the renewed possibilities and dreams he had learned to give up on soon after he was bitten.  
Tonight, he felt complete. Somewhere towards the end of third year, he had unintentionally given his heart to Sirius Black. He had given him a piece of his soul to the boy who was now nuzzling at his side. Who's right leg was hooked in Remus' left leg.   
Who had been there after his first transformation at the castle, asking him if he was alright even though he didn't know who or what he was and made him feel less alone.  
Who had figured out Remus' secret and instead of exposing him and handing him to the ministry to be put down like the monster that he was, kept his secret and resolved to help him.   
Who had risked his life to become an illegal animagus just for him. Who had punched a much taller 6th year Ravenclaw who had called Remus ugly.   
Who had pulled Remus into a dark alcove on the 7th floor and proceeded to kiss him into next week. Who had told Remus that he fancied him. Quite a lot. So much that it was kind of ridiculous. Who had then dragged him behind the tapestry when he learned that Remus fancied him just as much.  
Who had wrapped his arms around his waist tonight, looked at Remus like he was the most beautiful wonder of all time and told him that he loved him. Now holding on to Remus like he was the most precious thing to him.

Remus turned his head to his side and realized how peaceful and calm Sirius was when he was not haunted by his nightmares. His fingers Sirius' bicep and he felt an overwhelming emotion that he had to let out or else he'd burst. He felt something blooming in his chest, like a flower had been granted eternal youth. Like the sun had decided to shine everyday and the butterflies had decided to stay all year long. Like, anything and everything vwas possible and there was no greater happiness. So, burying his nose in Sirius' soft hair, in the softest whisper, he sang.

  
_Oh, to see without my eyes_  
_The first time that you kissed me_  
_Boundless by the time I cried_  
_I built your walls around me_  
_White noise, what an awful sound_  
_Fumbling by Rogue River_  
_Feel my feet above the ground_  
_Hand of God, deliver me_

 _Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me_  
_The first time that you touched me_  
_Oh, will wonders ever cease?_  
_Blessed be the mystery of love_

_~•~_

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍It was night after the Prank and Remus was in his bed, alone. Sleep had abandoned him, as had his appetite and interest in everything, and instead had left him with his darkest fears and shadows. He felt like a part of him had been taken away from him, with no reassurances of getting it back. He felt so, so alone. How could he have done this? He was Sirius Black. _His_ Sirius Black. Who had been putting his life in danger for years and had been there for him every full moon, knowing full and well that Remus could have easily killed him.   
Who had always brought him chocolate frogs when he was in the hospital wing because he knew how much Remus loved them.  
Who had always helped change his bandages and apply potions, without even a momentary flicker of disgust on his features.   
Who had always made sure Remus ate everyday and always put in extra effort in Remus'  homework when Remus couldn't do it himself.   
Who had kissed each and every one of his scars and made him feel like maybe he wasn't monster after all.  
Who had always been reminding him of how beautiful he was.   
Who had always been telling him how much he loved Remus. Now nowhere to be found   
He felt an overwhelming emotion that he had to let it out or else he'd burst. Like he was breaking. Like his chest was cracking, like seeds of pain and heart ache were rooting deeper and deeper till his eyes burned, a lump formed in his throat that made it had for him to swallow his hurt and his breathing became ragged. So, he buried his face in the fabric of his pillow and in the most pained whisper, he sang.

  
_Lord, I no longer believe_  
_Drowned in living waters_  
_Cursed by the love that I received_  
_From my brother's daughter_  
_Like Hephaestion, who died_  
_Alexander's lover_  
_Now my riverbed has dried_  
_Shall I find no other?_

 _Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me_  
_I'm running like a plover_  
_Now I'm prone to misery_  
_The birthmark on your shoulder reminds me_

_~•~_

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍It was the night after Sirius' death and Remus was in his bed, alone. Sleep had not visited him tonight and he hadn't expected it to. Tonight, he felt empty. He felt like a part of him was permanently lost and he was never going to get it back. Sirius Black was gone. _His_ Sirius Black. Who had always been innocent.

Who had refused to sleep on the bed and take up needed space and had instead slept on Remus' sofa on his first night out of Azkaban.   
Who had invited Remus to live with him when he realized that Remus was financially struggling without making him feel bad.  
Who had tried to be as much of a parent figure to Harry as possible.  
Who had joined the Order for his sake.  
Who had fought with him, yelled with him, kissed him and cried with him.  
Who had helped him realize he was not alone, that he was never alone.  
Who had started reminding him again that he was beautiful.  
Who had been his best friend and lover again.  
Who had made him feel less lonely again.  
Who had started telling him again how much he loved him. Now he was gone.  
He felt an overwhelming emotion that he had to let it out or he'd burst. Like, his chest was shattering. Like his soul was trying to escape his throat. Like he was sinking into his old, battered mattress and he could do nothing about it. So, he buried his face in his forearm and in the saddest whisper, he sang.

  
_How much sorrow can I take?_  
_Blackbird on my shoulder_  
_And what difference does it make_  
_When this love is over?_  
_Shall I sleep within your bed_  
_River of unhappiness_  
_Hold your hands upon my head_  
_'Til I breathe my last breath_

 _Oh, oh woe-oh-woah is me_  
_The last time that you touched me_  
_Oh, will wonders ever cease?_  
_Blessed be the mystery of love_


End file.
